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MESSAGE FROM ARNOLD SNYDER:
HERE WE GO AGAIN! (OR, I OUGHT TO HAVE MY HEAD EXAMINED...)

 
Arnold Snyder and Blackjack Forum Online
 
BLACKJACK HUMOR : CONTENTS
state lotteries and the professional compulsive gambler Professional Compulsive Gamblers
    By Arnold Snyder
Arnold Snyder and the world's foremost blackjack authority World's Foremost Blackjack Authority
    By Arnold Snyder
Arnold Snyder and Blackjack Forum Sermon: Here We Go Again
    By Arnold Snyder
 
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  MESSAGE FROM ARNOLD SNYDER: HERE WE GO AGAIN! (OR, I OUGHT TO HAVE MY HEAD EXAMINED...)
By Arnold Snyder
(From Blackjack Forum Volume XXIV #1, Winter 2004/05)
© 2005 Blackjack Forum

As many of you are aware, I have attempted several times in the past to insert my friends and myself online, and each time I enter this medium I exit in frustration, swearing never again. My personal experience with blackjack Web sites is that they have more negative aspects to them than positive. As a rule, the Internet is overrun with blowhards and egomaniacs who just like to see their handles in print. There are nut cases trying to sell idiotic gambling systems to the gullible. Casino surveillance spies pose as players and try to pry secrets from the naive. And unsuspecting players expose sensitive information to the house dicks, ruining games and sometimes real playersí careers.

Frankly, I have neither the time nor inclination to deal with this lunacy. Other than writing, and playing in the casinos when I feel like it, I have retired. Iíve become very cranky as a man of leisure. I like to say what I think, and I donít care much about stepping on peopleís toes. I tend to get sarcastic and not everyone appreciates my sense of humor. Furthermore, I hate the Internet. I NEVER surf the web, and I have virtually no talent with computers. I often go weeks without even looking at my email.

But, with the death of Blackjack Forum (the magazine), I find myself with no soapbox from which to vent my bad attitude. The friends who participated in my prior web ventures are asking me to come back, since theyíve all been kicked off the other gambling sites for innumerable unforgivable infractions, such as poking fun at sacred cows, failing to bow down to the Almighty Blackjack Cyber-Gurus, and on occasion just flat-out telling the truth. Plus, Iím getting tired of all the queries from my former subscribers who keep reading about me on other Web sites, and asking me the same questions over and over.

"Is it true you told so-and-so to go #*%@( himself?"

Answer: Yes.

"Is it true you called such-and-such a phony ^&#@%?"

Answer: Yes.

"Is it true you are now bitter enemies with [insert long list of well-known authorities]?"

Answer: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.

"Is it true you stalked [beloved hero of many], cornered him in an alley behind the Stratosphere, and beat his brains in with a ball-peen hammer?"

Answer: You got a problem with that?

"Is it true you infiltrated the last Green Chip Party that was held at the Wendover Taco Bell, whipped an AK47 out from under your trench coat, and proceeded to slaughter one and all in a bloodbath that left the restaurant splattered with human entrails, cheese nachos, and nickel chips from the Peppermill?"

Answer: That case is still pending so my attorney wonít let me comment on it. But Loeb tells me Iíll go scot-free provided the Peppermill gets their chips back.

"Is it true you were spotted recently at Boulder Station betting silver on Super Fun 21?"

Answer: What?

"Is it true you were spotted recently betting silveró"

Answer: I heard you . . . and that I deny! Itís a flat-out vicious rumor, no doubt concocted by one of my enemies.

In any case, I have hopefully cleared the air on some of this ancient history, and now that weíve gotten that out of the way, Welcome back to Blackjack Forum!

There is one big difference with this new online version of the mag that Iím sure youíll like, and that is that it is 100% FREE! The articles are free. The library is free. The message boards are free. The whole damn thing is free.

What the hell am I doing this for? Is it my deep abiding love for mankind?

Yeah, right . . .

Hereís the way it works around here. If you are a former Blackjack Forum subscriber, then you know that the magazine was one-of-a-kind, a compilation of the best writing, analyses, and reports by serious and professional gamblers ever published. But, there was a problem. After 23 years of hassling with printing deadlines, subscriber lists, renewal notices, proofreading copy, layout goofs, delivery problems, envelope stuffing, credit card authorization snafus, wholesaler collection run-arounds, bulk mailing regulations, advertising flyers, and taxes, taxes, taxes . . . I couldnít take it anymore. I knew in my heart that at one time there was a reason why I put up with all this tedium, bureaucracy, and frustration. I guess I really did have a deep abiding love for mankind. But somewhere along the way, I stopped taking psychedelic drugs.

However, a handful of former Blackjack Forum writers, contributors and subscribers has convinced me that I can do the mag online, with no clerical work and low overhead, and kiss my headaches good-bye. Only in America!

Are these guys scamming me or what?

Hereís how itís supposed to work.... You guys who come to this site for information or discussion pay nothing. I donít have to do any of the technical stuff. I just hang out here once in awhile, answer a question occasionally, and whenever I feel the urge to spout off with a Sermon or publish the results of some weird gambling research project, Iíve got a soapbox with a ready-made audience. Plus, all of my friends and associates, or at least the ones Iím still on speaking terms with, who used to write articles for Blackjack Forum and raise hell on my prior Web flings, can now see their names in print again, and we all get to irritate the piss out of the casinos.

So I asked the guys who were trying to convince me into this madness: "Where does the money come from to pay for this thing?"

And they answered: "The online casinos."

"I donít get it . . ."

They said: "Hereís how it works, Arnold: We put up banners on the site for Internet casinos that people can click on to go to these casinos, and the casinos pay us for the customers that come to them through your site."

Said I: "No f*cking way! In the 23 years that I published Blackjack Forum, I never accepted an ad from any casino, Internet or otherwise. What online casino will even want to advertise on my Web site?"

"Theyíre not like Vegas casinos, Arnold. You canít count cards in Internet casinos. And you canít shuffle track or play hole cards. These are computer games."

"Sure," said I, "but you can hustle them for bonuses. I just published a book about that. Remember?"

"Theyíve got software for identifying bonus hustlers now. Itís not like the old days, Arnold."

"Yeah, well, casinos in Vegas have software for identifying card counters, but there are still card counters in Vegas."

"Look, Arnold, donít worry about that. You just let us handle it."

"Okay, but Iíve got another problem with this plan. I donít trust online casinos any more than I trust casinos in Vegas or Atlantic City. I canít be sending players who come to my Web site over to a bunch of fly-by-night clip joints."

"They donít all cheat, Arnold. There are some bad joints, but also a lot of reputable places using reputable software. Weíve been testing these places for a long time. Weíll only put up banners from casinos where weíve won money ourselves, and been paid."

"Okay," said I, "but if Iím going to participate in this venture, hereís my list of demands: First, since I donít have access to the online casinosí software, and I canít personally guarantee theyíre honest, we need a message board where players who have problems at any of these online casinos can report their experiences. Also, if there is any compelling evidence that one of the casinos that has a banner on our site may be cheating its customers in any way, they are history as far as our site is concerned. Furthermore, weíll have message boards for players who play in regular casinos. And all of our message boards will be monitored seven days a week by professional gamblers, not computer geeks or self-styled blowhard experts. I will hand-pick a group of pros who can answer questions intelligently, and who will have the authority to throw out any casino spies who are just there to make trouble."

They said: "No problem."

So, if any of you, my faithful flock, are actually crazy enough to deposit any portion of your hard-earned bankrolls into the coffers of these online casinos, I sure as hell hope youíve read our pages on how to beat the crap out of those suckers. (Legally, of course...) I like to think of you all as a smarter and sneakier lot of scam artists than has ever existed on this planet. So go get íem, gang!

Blackjack Forum is back!

And, as I said, I ought to have my head examined. ♠



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  Arnold Snyder's Blackjack Forum is Now Published Free Online
Blackjack Forum has been the trade journal of professional gamblers since 1981 and is now published free online.